I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
