were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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