When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
