Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
