i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
