Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
