dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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