then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
MIDGETS
????
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
