forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize