were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
