New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
