Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
