So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
