you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
