Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I party with great urgency now.
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