ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
