The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
