i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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