i already hear my dad disowning me
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
