I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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