Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
