Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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