Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
