You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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