I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
