Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
