i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
