Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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