U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
