here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
