she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
His hands were made for my vagina.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
