Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
