I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
