My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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