my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
