Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
