The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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