he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
