I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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