Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
