I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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