oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Let's get the cat blown out
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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