i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
