Me too!
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
