The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
