The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
