The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
