What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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