So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
