So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
