what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
