i wish there were pregnant emoticons
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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