I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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