I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
