i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize