Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
