i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
