You made me cry and you don't even care
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
