a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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