ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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