Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
