Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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