PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
