This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
