If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize