I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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