i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
