He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
