he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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