I am puke
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
